


The Traveler's Lily

by eliets



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 1890s, Alternate Universe - 19th Century, Alternate Universe - Human, Assassins & Hitmen, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, GIVE IT TIME, M/M, Possible Character Death, only the most important themes and characters are tagged for spoiler reasons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-02-13 00:10:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12971430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliets/pseuds/eliets
Summary: [discontiuned] Berwald didn't want much from life. He was content being a mere bystander, just traveling around with his childhood friend Mathias, but everything changes in his trip to Paris, where he meets a man that changes his whole story, for the better and the worse, at the blink of an eye.





	1. Angel

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this idea for a while. i'm excited to finally share it with y'all! i hope you guys enjoy it  
> a little warning: this story will start off slightly cliche and very romantic, but the atmosphere will change _drastically_ at some point. you have been warned.

Berwald still can’t understand how much his life has changed so much in so little time.

Well, it actually wasn’t  _that_ little time, but if you consider how much has changed in his life, it really was a short time span.

Now that all the changes and chaos have stopped, he sometimes wonders how everything even started. It took him quite a while to actually realize that the beginning of the chaos definetly was when he met Tino.

The memory is still fresh on his mind and just the thought of it makes him smile.

He even remembers the first thing he heard Tino say to him — it was a mere “ _excuse me sir, are you lost?”_

Such simple, meaningless words. And yet, because of them, his life took a complete turn and before he could notice, nothing was the same anymore.

It’s funny how easily a person’s life can change, don’t you think?

 

* * *

 

_Paris, 1891_

It was a quite beautiful day in Paris. The streets were lively, full of people who chatted and laughed at each other’s jokes, filling the city with an oddly warm atmosphere despite the slightly cold weather of early spring.

Berwald Oxenstierna, a young Swedish man, was one of the people walking through the streets in that day.

By his side walked Mathias, an old friend of his.

Both of them were travelers, explorers filled with wanderlust who wanted nothing more than to see the world they lived in.

Today though, they weren’t doing much exploring. Today was one of those slower days— they toured Paris the day before, and now were just going to cross it to get to the next city.

So they were just walking along with the crowds, Berwald lost on his thoughts, and Mathias trying to get his friend to converse with him, the sound of his voice drowned by the noise of the locals’ chatting.

Everything was going smoothly. It seemed like nothing was going to stop their journey.

However, as soon as they got away from the Parisian crowd, Berwald felt something hit his body strongly, violently pushing him backwards, almost making him fall.

“Ow…” He heard someone groan. He looked down to see a girl with light blonde hair who wore a very plain lily white-colored dress.

“P…Pardon” Berwald apologized, using the little French he knew, and reached out to her to help her up.

“Oh” She looked at Berwald’s hand for a second, but then shook her head. Berwald noticed that an eyepatch covered her right eye “No, I’m fine. You don’t need to help me” She replied in Swedish, and got up by herself.

Berwald’s eyes widened.  _Swedish?_ They were in France, why did that woman speak Swedish to him?

“You spe—“ In the middle of his shock he tried to start a sentence, but was quickly interrupted.

“Sorry, I have to go!” She shouted, again in Swedish, and ran away, leaving Berwald by himself, silent and slightly shocked, just watching as she disappeared into the crowd.

…

_Well, that was weird._

Berwald stared at the ground, right at the spot that the girl fell, still shocked, but snapping out of it as soon as he noticed a glimmer in the ground. He picked up the shiny object to see what it was.

It was a silver cross pendant, probably dropped by the girl who ran into him.

He raised an eyebrow at it, analyzing it from different angles, noticing something quite strange on it— on the very middle of the cross, there was a little heart, and on top of it, the drawing of a lily.

 “…th’t was weird” He commented, in English so his friend could understand “Don’t ya think, Mathias?”

Berwald turned his face to the side the Dane was.

Only to notice that he was nowhere to be found.

_…_

Berwald quickly looked around, searching for the blond spiky-haired Dane, finding nothing but people he didn’t knew.

Mathias was gone.

 _“Don’t panic”_ He took a deep breath “ _That idiot probably got distracted by something and walked away._   _Just look for him and you’ll find him.”_

And so Berwald did. He walked around, looking for that stupid Dane. After all, he couldn’t be that far, could he?

He searched more, but still couldn’t find him.

“Fucking Mathias…” He mumbled, walking by the same mansion a second time, already pissed. They have gotten separated before, but it never took that long to find each other!  _Where the hell was Mathias?_

Berwald looked up, feeling his heart rate increase when he noticed that the sky was starting to be dyed orange.

The day was ending and he still couldn’t find him…

 _“Did he die or what?”_ He thought, walking around quicker than before. “ _Come on, he has to be somewhere…”_

The sky slowly darkened, and he passed by the same mansion once again. It was his third time now…

And, well…you know how they say third time’s a charm, right?

Right when he walked by the mansion’s gate, Berwald heard those fateful words, the words that would change his life forever.

_“Excuse me sir, are you lost?”_

The sentence was said in Swedish, the voice of who spoke it so soft it sounded like a mutter, and it came from behind him.

Berwald instinctively turned behind to see who was talking to him. They were speaking Swedish, which means they’re talking to him, right? It was unlikely there was another Swede nearby, after all…

And so he turned to look at the person trying to talk to him, and saw…

An angel.

Well, that was what he thought at first, but then he quickly came back to his senses, and noticed that there was no angel, just another man.

An ethereally beautiful man with platinum blond hair, warm violet eyes and the softest voice he ever heard, but a man nonetheless.

“Are…you talking to me?” He asked, his eyes meeting the other man’s. A foreign mix of feelings stirred inside of him, one of which he knew was nervousness, and the others which he didn’t know the name.

Why was he feeling nervous, though?

“Y-Yes! I am” His voice seemed to shake a little “I saw you walk by the mansion three times, and you looked kind of, um…” He hesitated.

“Are you the owner?” The question slipped. For some reason, Berwald yearned for more information on this stranger.

“Oh, n-no. I wish I was though” He giggled awkwardly “I, um, I work for the owner. I’m a gardener.”

“Mm.” The Swede hummed in acknowledgement. He felt an odd need to ask for that man’s name…

“A-Anyway” He stuttered before Berwald could ask anything else “When you walked by the mansion you seemed like you were looking for something, do you want any help to find it? I have lived here for a while, so maybe I could help you…”

“I’m looking for my friend” Berwald said, the word  _friend_ leaving a bitter taste on his tongue.

“How does your friend look?” The stranger asked “If you don’t mind me asking…”

“I don’t mind” Berwald shrugged “He’s about my height, has spiky hair, always has this weird grin on his face…” He stopped for a moment “Is a stupid jerkass” He muttered angrily, luckily not being heard by the stranger.

The man looked up and thought for a second “I don’t think I saw anyone like that today…” He said.

“Oh.”

There was a short silence that made the atmosphere around them feel awkward. Berwald kept quiet, looking around but stopping to take a look at the man every once in a while…wait, he should stop that. He’s probably being creepy…

“Uh…it’s getting late” The man pointed out.

 _“Shit”_ Berwald thought, wanting to slap himself “… _I creeped him out, didn’t I?”_

“Yeah”

Silence again.

“Do you have a place to stay the night?” He asked “You look like a traveler.”

_“Wait…he isn’t leaving?”_

“I…am a traveler” The Swede muttered. Was this beautiful stranger really concerned about him? “And no, I don’t.”

“I know a place you could stay” The stranger replied, almost instantly, a hint of a smile on his lips “You could spend the night here and look for your friend in the morning…it’s unlikely you’ll find him now that it’s getting dark…”

He blinked a couple times, eyes fixated on the ethereal stranger. Honestly, what was up with him? Normally, when a local said those kind of things to him, Berwald would feel extremely suspicious…

This man, though…he just sounded so sincere, so kind. You could feel how honest he was by the way the words flowed out of his mouth.

“That sounds good.” Berwald responded, sort of dreading how the words sounded once he spoke them.

“Alright. Just follow me.” The stranger smiled warmly and started to walk somewhere. Berwald could swear he felt his legs move on their own, almost like the stranger put him under some sort of spell.

He was just…so oddly entrancing.

“If you don’t have money to pay for your stay, don’t worry” He talked as they walked through the now emptying streets “The owner’s a friend of mine. I’ll make sure you don’t have to pay.”

“Mm.” Berwald hummed in response, not really knowing how to respond. His heart was beating unusually fast.

“I have known him for a long time” He went on “Long before I moved to France, I think. Ah, just talking about it makes me feel nostalgic…”

“You’re not from France?” Berwald asked, kind of wanting to slap himself after it. Of course he wasn’t French, you dumbass. He spoke Swedish too well to actually be French.

“I’m not” He responded, paused, and then giggled a bit “But, unlike you probably think, I’m not Swedish either.”

Berwald raised an eyebrow.

“Then…where are you from?”

“Finland” He replied, his voice sounding slightly more melancholic “…it’s a part of Russia. We don’t speak Russian there, though.”

“…I assumed that” Berwald mumbled. The man smiled in response, but said nothing.

The silence stood strong until a couple minutes later, when they reached a house in an older-looking part of the city.

“We’re here” The man announced once they arrived “Hang on a minute.”

He then knocked on the door, being answered by a grumpy-looking man with blonde shoulder-length hair.

Both the ethereal stranger and the grumpy man spoke in rapid French for what seemed like eons to Berwald. He stood there frozen, unable of doing anything because he didn’t understand a word of what they were saying.

 _“—Merci pour l’aide”_  The stranger said to the man with a smile, finally ending their conversation, and then looked straight at Berwald, sending an odd cold sensation through his body “He’ll take you to a room upstairs. You don’t have to pay.”

“Oh” He looked at the blonde man, who didn’t look as grumpy now, and then turned his gaze back to the stranger “Thank you”

“Ah, you don’t have to take me” A light pink glow covered his cheeks as his smile widened “I’m happy to help”

Berwald stared him for…how much time again? He didn’t know. All he knew was that his smile was the cutest smile he had ever seen.

Really, it was so hard to believe that this man wasn’t an angel.

“Now, you really should get going” The stranger said “It’s getting late. You should sleep soon so you can wake up early and go looking for your friend…and I should go too.”

_“But I don’t even know your name…”_

Berwald’s eyes widened a bit as he saw the angel—  _the man—_ turn his back and take a step forward. He couldn’t speak for a second.

“…wait!” He managed to choke out.

“What is it?” The stranger turned his face to him again. Berwald gulped and took a subtle deep breath.

“…your name” He mumbled “What’s your name?”

“It’s Tino” The stranger—  _Tino—_ said with a light, but very sweet smile.

“Tino” He repeated. It felt oddly nice to say it “I’m Berwald”

“Nice to meet you, Berwald” Tino giggled “I’ll see you around, I hope?”

“You will” He replied, his lips twitching into a small smile.

“Good to know” Tino said, and then walked away. Berwald watched him walk with a silly smile in his face.

And that was exactly how everything started.


	2. Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo sorry for taking a while to update. i hope yall enjoy this chapter though! i worked very hard on it

Berwald slept extremely well that night. Unlike every other night since the end of his childhood, this night he had peaceful, carefree dreams of beautiful grassy fields, sunny skies and flowers.

He woke up as early as usual, and sat up on the bed, staring at the white wall, recalling the main events of the previous day.

Bumping into that strange girl, losing Mathias in the crowd, meeting Tino.

 _Tino—_ Just hearing his inner voice say his name made Berwald feel an odd, warm flutter in his chest. He recalled perfectly every single one of Tino’s features, from his pale blond hair to his mystical violet eyes to his warm angelic smile.

Everything about him just made Berwald feel so weird. No other person has ever made him feel this way…

He was probably just overreacting to Tino’s kindness, though. After all, he didn’t really socialize a lot, and before he started to travel around with Mathias, he barely left his house— it was likely that he had just grown very unused to talking to people.                           

 _“Yeah, it’s probably that”_ He thought, running a hand through his hair and sighing _“I’m just overreacting.”_

Deciding to avoid thinking about this for now, Berwald got up, changed his clothes and then made the bed. Then he grabbed his bags and got out of the room, knowing that he should just leave this house to not bother its owner and go look for Mathias.

He walked down the stairs, determined to find the stupid Dane before he annoyed the locals too much and ended up annoying the locals too much and getting killed by some French hitman.

So he made his way to the front door and opened it. Expecting to see nothing more than mostly empty streets, he was shocked when he was greeted by a familiar soft voice that made his heart jump.

“Good morning, Berwald!” Tino said with a warm smile. Berwald’s eyes widened as his heartbeat became irregular and his stomach started to felt strange.

“T-Tino?” He blinked “What are you…”

Tino giggled “Um, well, I don’t have work today, so I thought of maybe helping you find your friend?” He said, fidgeting with his hands.

“That sounds great.” He replied, and didn’t say anything for a second “If helping isn’t too much trouble, of course.” He added, looking down nervously.

“It’s not. I enjoy helping people” Tino smiled, a light pink glow coloring his cheeks.

 _“He’s so cute…”_ Berwald thought, an odd knot forming in his throat. He couldn’t help but think that the Finn was absolutely adorable.

This cuteness he saw on Tino was different from the cuteness he saw in small animals or babies, though. He couldn’t understand it…

“Um, Berwald?” He blinked at Tino’s call, and just now noticed that he had been silently staring him for the past few seconds.

“…I spaced out.” He mumbled, feeling heat pool on his face “Sorry”

“It’s okay” The kind Finn smiled “Now, let’s go look for your friend. Where did you last see him?”

“Well…” Berwald started a sentence as he and Tino walked away side by side. He tried his best to recall the place where he and Mathias got separated “It was near the—“

While he was thinking, though, something caught his attention. It was a bakery, with many delicious-looking pastries on display.

His thoughts stopped immediately once he saw all the sweets. Suddenly he was very aware of his empty stomach.

“Is something wrong?” Tino asked “You just stopped walking…”

“Sorry, I…I got distracted” Berwald replied, unable to take his eyes off the bakery.

Tino gave him a puzzled look.

“Oh” A couple seconds later, he realized where Berwald was looking at “Do you want something from the bakery? I have some money here, I could buy it for you…”

“Y-You don’t have to” The Swede accidentally stuttered “Besides, I don’t have the cash to pay you back”

“Who said you had to pay me back?” Tino giggled, sounding slightly playful “Come on, what pastry do you want? I’ll buy it for you”

“Um” Berwald felt his heart beat a little bit faster. He glanced at the pastries on display— all of them looked delicious, but he didn’t knew the name of any. He took a step closer to the showcase and just pointed at a random one, not wanting to be a burden to Tino by taking too long to choose “This one”

Tino smiled kindly.

“I’ll be right back” He walked away and entered the bakery. Berwald couldn’t help but notice the way he moved. He seemed to have perfect balance as he walked, each step so graciously touching the ground…

Berwald couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that this man wasn’t an angel.

“I’m back!” Tino chimed about five minutes later, holding the pastry Berwald request in one hand and a similar one in another “I bought one for me too, so we can eat together.”

“Thank you” Berwald muttered as the Finn handed him the sweet. He took a bite as soon as he was holding it.

And it tasted like heaven.

He took a second, slightly bigger bite off the sweet and glanced at Tino, who was halfway through finishing his pastry and hummed in delight as he munched.

_“So cute”_

Berwald looked away quickly and tried to focus on eating, ignoring his racing heart.

“Oh man…I’d eat this everyday if I could!” Tino giggled. His laugh was as sweet as the pastries.

“They’re very sweet” The Swede mumbled as he ate, aware of how monotone his voice sounded.

“And that’s exactly what makes them so good!”

Berwald finished the pastry and looked at Tino. He was about to say something, but the sentence that was fully prepared in his mind faded away as soon as he notice something near the Finn’s lips.

It was a little bit of frosting…should he tell Tino about it? Should he…

“Uh, what are you looking at?” Said Finn asked, a hint of nervousness in his soft voice “Is there something on my face?”

“Hold still” He muttered, and inched closer to Tino, maybe a little too close, because the Finnish man froze up at the sudden contact. He then touched the bit of frosting near his lips with his thumb and wiped it.

Silence.

“U-Um…” Tino’s muttered after many seconds “…you’re really close…”

“Oh…” Berwald looked down, and saw that the space between them was a lot smaller than he initially expected. Their chests were almost touching…

He quickly took a step back, face heating up more than ever “I’m sorry” Was all he managed to mumble, avoiding to look directly at Tino.

“I-It’s fine!” Tino responded quickly, laughing awkwardly “I…I just didn’t expect it.”

Berwald gulped. He looked at Tino in the eyes for a moment and then looked away. God, that was so embarrassing…

What the hell was he even thinking when he did that?

“Um” Tino muttered. Berwald turned his gaze back to him “We should look for your friend now, s-shouldn’t we?”

“I guess so…” He mumbled the answer, scratching the back of his neck.

And in mildly awkward silence, they started walking around the town, looking for Mathias.

The Dane seemed to have faded into nothingness though, because even after many hours of searching and Tino asking locals if they saw Mathias, they still couldn’t find him.

After many hours of searching, Tino decided they should take a break. Berwald was extremely glad for this decision— he was pretty used to walking after traveling so much, but walking with Tino was different. He walked so fast, it seemed like was running.

 _“It’s kinda funny”_ Berwald thought as he sat under a tree, completely breathless. He glanced at Tino, who was still standing up and staring into space, looking as stunning as always and not tired at all _“He doesn’t even notice he was walking too fast. Is he used to that?”_

Berwald gazes at Tino. He knew he should stop staring but…damn, it was so hard. _He was just so…_

Berwald gulps and looks away. This is bad. He shouldn’t think like that. He really shouldn’t think like that. He only knew Tino for a day and he was already somehow getting weirdly attached to him…

He looks in Tino’s direction again, just one more time, and notices that Tino was smiling oddly at him, in a way that was almost…bashful.

Berwald expects him to say something, but he just keeps quiet. He just chuckles and then sits by his side under the tree.

So Berwald says nothing as well.

The Swede placed his hand over his chest. His heart was beating…fast. He took a quick look at Tino for no particular reason. The Finn seemed relaxed, his lips were curled into a calm smile and he looked into distance.

He instantly looks away. The atmosphere around them felt really weird, but it was also relaxing in a way? God, Tino made him feel _way_ too many things. If Berwald knew he would start overreacting to social interaction like that, he wouldn’t have isolated himself for so long…

“Um, Berwald” Tino said. Berwald glanced at him “Our break is being too long, we probably should go back to looking for your friend”

“Oh. Yeah” He blinked “I guess we should”

So he got up, quickly followed by Tino, who gave him a warm smile.

“We really should get back in track” Tino sighed, looking around “Your friend could be lost or in trouble…” He simply states, and then notices what he had just said “I-I mean! He probably isn’t, b-but…”

“It’s fine” Berwald mumbles, not understanding Tino’s sudden nervousness “Why don’t we ask the locals at the market? We didn’t go there yet.”

“Y-Yeah! The market!” Tino repeats “Come on, let’s go!”

So he walks off, even faster than before.

“Tino…” Berwald tries to keep up but is unable, his legs keep aching from all the previous walking “You’re walking…too fast!”

“I-I’m sorry!” He stops so the Swede could catch up to him “I-I’ll try to— ah!”

Before Tino can finish his sentence, someone bumps into him. Berwald can tell the impact wasn’t weak— it pushes Tino considerably and almost makes him fall. Almost.

_“Pardon…!”_

Then his eyes go to the person who bumped into him. He was tall, pale, had spiky hair… _wait._

“Mathias?!” He exclaimed in almost complete shock, bringing the man’s attention to him.

“Berwald!” Mathias exclaimed back, but with wide happy eyes and an excited smile “Oh my god, Berwald!”

The Dane ignores the person he had just bumped into and runs straight to his friend, tackling him into a suffocating hug.

“Gah—!”

“Where have ya been? I told ya to stay close to me!” He rambled on a worried tone, and then released Berwald, but kept holding his shoulders “Seriously, I looked for you everywhere! Where the hell have you been?” You could sense all the worry from his voice.

Berwald doesn’t even know what to say for a second. He felt overwhelmed.

“Apologize to Tino” Was the only thing he could manage to speak at that moment. Mathias blinked, tilting his head like a confused puppy.

“What?”

“Ya bumped into him. Apologize.” He explained.

“Oh yeah…” Mathias looked at Tino, who was just standing there, poker-faced. They stared at each other for a moment before Mathias said anything “Sorry for bumping into ya! I was distracted.” He apologized, in English.

Silence. Berwald looks to Tino, and then to Mathias. Tino wasn’t saying anything, which made Berwald wonder if he even understood English.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay!” The Finn replied in perfect English after a moment, though “So, you’re Berwald’s friend, right?”

_“…just how many languages does he know?”_

“Yup! I’m Mathias Køhler, nice to meet ya!” He walked over to Tino and they shook hands.

“I’m Tino Väinämöinen” Tino says, seeming to cringe a bit when he said his last name “You can call me just Tino. I helped Berwald find you.”

“Neat! Thanks for helping my buddy, Tino! He would probably get really lost without ya” Mathias joked, and Tino giggled. Berwald just felt weird “Well, it was great meetin’ ya but we gotta go. Right, Ber?” He shot a strange look at Berwald.

“Sure” Berwald sighed. He turned in Tino’s direction and half-smiled “So…I guess I’ll see you around?” He said, repeating the exact same farewell Tino said in the previous night, kind of joking to himself.

Tino seemed to see what he was doing there, however.

“You will” He smirked, repeating Berwald’s response to his farewell.

And he turned around and walked away. Berwald couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle.

Tino really was something, wasn’t he?


	3. friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay it seems that i can only update this fic on the 10th of every month? i guess this will be my update schedule.  
> anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter...!

After Tino walked away, no one said anything.

Mathias was completely silent, which was really odd, considering that he normally was very talkative.

“So” After a couple minutes, he finally decided to speak up “Tino, huh?”

Berwald kept quiet.

“How did ya meet him?” He turned to the Swede, wearing his usual cheerful expression, though you could see that there was a hint of mischievousness in his smile.

“He helped me when I was lost” Berwald replied quickly, looking at the ground.

“He seems pretty nice.” The Dane smiled, ran a hand through his hair, and looked up “Doesn’t he?” He shot Berwald a look.

“I guess so” He shrugged.

Silence again. Mathias stared straight at Berwald with a strange look. Berwald did his best to keep a neutral expression as he avoided eye contact with his friend.

Why did the atmosphere feel so weird…?

“Well” Mathias chimed, finally breaking the silence and, thank god, changing the subject “We should probably stop somewhere to grab lunch before we go to the next town.”

Berwald widened his eyes, a mild pain pooling on his chest. _Next town._

He had forgotten about that…

“What’s wrong, Ber?” Mathias tilted his head while looking at him.

“N-Nothing” He stuttered, feeling stupid. Of course, they were travelers. Did he think they were going to stay in Paris forever or something?

Still…it was disappointing. He didn’t want to leave...

“You’re bein’ real weird today” The Dane joked, and grabbed his arm while laughing “C’mon, let’s go have lunch. I’m starving.”

Berwald just allowed himself to be dragged away by his friend.

Mathias kept on chattering as he walked and dragged Berwald, who didn’t really pay attention to what he was saying. He just stared the ground, feeling awkward.

He wanted to say something. He didn’t want to leave Paris…that meant he probably wouldn’t see Tino ever again. Mathias never allowed them to go back to a place they visited, and Berwald kind of wanted to see the Finn at least one more time…

“Mathias…” Berwald mumbled “Can w’ stop for a bit?”

“Sure!” Mathias stopped walking and released his friend’s arm from his grip “Why that, though?”

“I wanted to ask something…” He looked down, subtly fidgeting with his hands “Could we stay in Paris for a while?”

Mathias blinked.

“Don’t see why not” He smiled. Berwald released a breath he didn’t knew he was holding “You liked Paris, after all. You even made a friend! We can go to the next town the day after tomorrow, how does that sound?”

_“He sounds like a parent talking to his kid”_ Berwald thought, narrowing his eyes at Mathias _“Well, at least I can talk to Tino again…”_

“Sounds good t’me” He muttered, pondering whether or not he should add a dry _‘thank you’_ and deciding it wasn’t necessary.

An odd type of excitement that was foreign to the Swede started bubbling inside of him, the thought of seeing Tino again being what triggered this weird feeling.

“Man, I can’t believe that” Mathias laughed and started walking “Can’t believe you made a friend! I thought you were gonna die alone.”

Berwald started making plans on his head— _Tino was the one to seek him today and yesterday…what if he was the one to seek him tomorrow? Yeah, that sounded like a good idea…_

“M’not a hermit, Mathias…” He mumbled, annoyed.

“Well, before I picked you up in Växjö you did seem like one”

_How should he seek Tino, thought? Hm, that was a pretty hard question to answer. Maybe he could look for him at that mansion? He would have to find a way to convince Mathias not to go with him, though..._

“…can’t deny that” Berwald grit his teeth and admitted “But that doesn’t mean that I can’t make friends, ya know” He said

“How do you prove that, though? You don’t have any other close friends besides me” Mathias grinned, Berwald felt murderous wrath burn inside of him.

It was in moments like that that he really hated himself for ever calling this blasted Dane his friend.

“That’s not true” He fumed. Unfortunately, that was true.

“Oh yeah?” Mathias suddenly stopped walking and crossed his arms “Where are your other friends then, Swede?” He challenged, grinning.

Berwald clenched his teeth and counted to three so he wouldn’t go into a killing spree in this exact moment.

“Tino” He said, in the heat of their bickering “Tino’s m’friend. Didn’t you just say that?”

“I didn’t mean friend as in _real_ friend” The Dane argued “You’ve known him for two days! He’s not really your friend!”

_“Fuck, he’s right”_ Berwald thought.

“Well, not yet” He crossed his arms himself and stared down at Mathias, not wanting to lose their argument “I can get closer to him if I want. S’not like I have no social skills or anything.”

“Oh yeah? Then do that!” Mathias barked, getting one step closer to him “I dare you to hang out with him tomorrow, just the two of you, and not creep him out. Show him how good you’re at socializing without me, your only friend!”

_“Ouch. That kinda hurts”_

“I’ll be glad to” Berwald growled “And I’ll rub it in yer face when I do it”

“Yeah, right!” The Dane crossed his arms angrily, and started walking forwards. Berwald sighed and followed him.

He was fully aware that he was being extremely childish right now, but acting like a mature adult was way below winning arguments with Mathias on his priority list.

He did think, though, that having a third party to act as a mediator between them wouldn’t be that bad. Sometimes their petty fights _could_ get pretty nasty…

Maybe, if he managed to really get close to him, Tino could be that third party? He had his doubts though. Tino seemed very sweet and kind, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was good with solving conflicts— maybe he was a bigger savage than him and Mathias combined, who knows? Berwald certainly doesn’t. Tino could be a master sniper from hell and he wouldn’t know.

And then, realization hit him in the face.

_“I dare you to hang out with him tomorrow, just the two of you, and not creep him out. Show him how good you’re at socializing without me, your only friend!”_

He had pretty much just scored a whole day alone with Tino, thanks to his stupid argument with Mathias.

His lips almost curled into a smirk. Oh my, what a lucky coincidence. Excitement soon started to replace the leftover anger from their bickering.

Berwald wondered what he and Tino should do in the next day, his heart filled with delightful anticipation.

He knew for sure that he was going to see Tino in the mansion, but what would they do? Maybe Tino would take him to a café in the fancy Parisian streets, or maybe he would give him a tour of the city. There were so many things they could do!

Berwald was just so excited for the next day. He already could feel his heart pound…!

Who even cared about his argument? He was just happy that he was going to see Tino again, and this time, maybe he would get to know him better?

Just the thought of it filled him with joy.

.        .        .

They walked around for some more time, had lunch at a random restaurant owned by a grumpy Italian man, then walked around some more.

Oddly enough, Mathias seemed to have forgotten about their argument as soon as lunchtime was over. Well, it’s not like that was bad, so Berwald decided not to think much about it.

The afternoon and evening were quite pleasant. They saw plenty of nice shops and cafés. It was fun, even if they couldn’t buy anything due to lack of money (Which was sad, Berwald really wanted to try more of those pastries he had eaten the day before)

They spent the night at the house of Belgian lady who was kind enough to allow them her guest room as soon as she saw Mathias, who claimed to be her brother’s friend or something. Berwald didn’t pay much attention to his story.

The beds in the room turned out to be quite uncomfortable though. Berwald took a long time to fall asleep this night. Between Mathias’ loud snoring and the unbearably hard mattress, it was rather hard to relax.

The night wasn’t pleasant at all. When he finally fell asleep, his dreams turned out to be messy, taking him back to…relatively unpleasant memories.

He woke up before the sun was even out and considered going back to sleep, but as soon as he glanced at the window and saw the mansion Tino lived in from afar, he suddenly felt a spark of energy run through his body.

_“I can’t go back to bed”_ He thought, yawning _“I have to get ready to go see Tino…”_

The Swede got up, shivering as soon as his feet touched the cold floor, and walked up to his bags, trying to look for clothing that didn’t look beaten up and dirty.

After all, he couldn’t go meet him wearing dirty rags.

On the past two days, Tino had only seen him wearing his usual combination of beaten up long coat, boots and pants, but this was because their meetings had been accidents.

Now, Berwald was going to _intentionally_ visit him. He had to look more presentable.

He rummaged through his clothing. Three button ups, four pairs of pants, another pair of boots…all old from so much traveling.

He felt the anxiety rising on him. Did he really have that little clothing? That was embarrassing…he didn’t want to go see Tino wearing the same dirty dark blue long coat.

Then, an idea sparked on his mind.

He glanced at Mathias for a second, just to make sure he was sleeping. He stared for a while until he heard a loud snore that confirmed that the Dane was, in fact, asleep.

Then he sneaked his way to Mathias’ clothing bags.

_“He probably has some nicer stuff”_ He thought, dipping his hands on the bag _“And our clothes are all the same size anyway…”_

More old button ups, pants, boots, two long coats instead of one…

Berwald was starting to lose hope. Maybe he should just give up and wear his old long coat anyway…

That’s right when he pulled out a neat frock coat that seemed to have never ever been worn.

His eyes sparked. _Yes!_

He smiled slightly as he took off his sleepwear and changed into a button up, a pair of slightly newer pants, Mathias’ frock coat and boots.

After putting on his clothes, Berwald ran a hand through his hair to make it look a little less messy. When he was done, he took a look at the mirror and smiled wider.

He almost looked like a rich man. You know, the kind of man that every parent would like their daughter to marry.

_“Mother would be proud”_ He mused for a second, and then cringed. No, no, what was he thinking? We don’t talk about that woman here. Next thought, please.

Trying to shake off the previous thought, Berwald gazed at the window. It was still dark out. Tino was probably sleeping. But since he was a worker, he would probably get up as soon as the sun came out.

Berwald looked up thoughtfully. Going to the mansion at sunrise wouldn’t be ideal, Tino would probably have just woken up and his boss would not appreciate it…

Maybe he should wait until midday? Yeah, that didn’t seem like a bad idea. How would he enter the mansion though? It was unlikely that Tino’s boss would let him in that easily. And the man probably only knew how to speak French, how would Berwald explain to him that he was there to visit his employee? He barely knew how to say “sorry”.

He sighed and sat on the bed. Maybe…visiting Tino wasn’t a very good idea. Maybe he should just drop him a letter and ask him to meet him somewhere after he’s done working? Yeah, that sounded a little better.

How exactly would he deliver said letter, though? And how should he write it? He never wrote a letter to anyone, what if his handwriting was too hard to understand? What if his words came out too soft and made it sound like a love letter?

The Swede felt his stomach drop at the possibility. If his letter sounded like a love one, Tino would hate him for sure. He would be too weirded out to even think about talking to him. Any chances of friendship would be completely over.

But if he came there without warning, there was the possibility that not just Tino, but his boss would hate him. And that would be even worse!

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his pounding heart. What should he do? Every single one of the possible outcomes seemed so terrible…

He looked at the mansion through the window. Maybe he should just give up...? Yeah, giving up sounded good. Why did he even think that meeting Tino was a good idea anyway? God, he really was stupid…

Berwald sighed and got up, taking off the coat. What an idiot he was…why did he even consider this possibility? Tino probably didn’t even want to see him, anyway…

Before he could even finish taking off his clothing, though, he heard a sound and froze up.

“Ber…?” Mathias yawned “What’re you doing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is aph--sunflower. please reblog my writing or leave a comment if you want to support it!  
> feedback is very much appreciated too. i'm always trying my best to improve!


	4. flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i know, this is four days late, i'm sorry;;; i haven't had much time to write recently. i hope this chapter is good enough though! i worked very hard on it.

“M-Mathias?!” Berwald stuttered in surprise, still frozen from shock.

“What are you doing…?” The Dane started, then stopped to yawn “It’s so early…also, why are you dressed like that?”

Berwald looked down to the clothes he wore, gulping. How could he explain to Mathias that he was wearing _his_ fancy clothes and was about to wander around and try to think of a good excuse to spend time with Tino? There was no way he could just say that to Mathias, it would be too embarrassing…

“Hey, aren’t those my fancy clothes?” Mathias grinned playfully, raising an eyebrow at his friend “Are you gonna meet up with a lover?”

Berwald froze again. Lover? No, no, no, it wasn’t that! Tino was just his friend! …or at least Berwald thought so. Was talking two times and eating pastries together even enough to form a friendship?

“N…No, I’m just…” The Swede muttered, his mind racing as he tried desperately to think of an excuse. After what Mathias just said, there was no way Berwald was going to be honest with him. He didn’t want Mathias to think he was in love with Tino or anything like that.

“S’okay, I’m just kidding” Mathias chuckled sleepily “I’m going back to sleep. Have fun with your French girl” He yawned, and slumped on the bed, slowly dozing off again.

Berwald blinked. Girl…? So Mathias didn’t think of him going out with Tino when he said…

“Well, that makes sense” He thought as he left the room “Why would he even think of me going out with a man, anyway?”

_Going out with Tino didn’t sound so bad, though._

Wait, no. What the hell was he even thinking about? Berwald shook his head, trying to free himself from these thoughts, and quickly started making his way out of the house, hoping that the walking would help organizing his too-messy mind.

So he walked out of the house, thanking the nice Belgian lady that allowed them to spend the night there when he saw her in the garden, and looked up to the sky as soon as he was outside, noticing that the sun had already rised.

Seeing it wasn’t dark anymore made him smile “Good, Tino’s probably going to wake up soon if he hasn’t already” He thought excitedly

Berwald walked around a little, wondering how he should approach the Finn. Should he wait near the mansion gate until he walked by and then greet him? No, that would be creepy…

Maybe he should just drop him a note asking him to meet up somewhere? Wait, that was a bad idea. His note would certainly come off as weird and Tino wouldn’t like it. Besides, he didn’t even know a good place for them to meet…

Berwald came up with about a dozen ideas as he walked, only to give up on them one second after their creation. None of them were good enough, he just couldn’t think of a single good way to approach Tino.

And right when he was about to give up meeting him and go back, he noticed he was in front of the mansion.

His heart skipped a beat— he was standing in pretty much the same spot he was when Tino talked to him the first time.

He smiled sadly. It had been barely three days since that happened, why did he feel nostalgic?

The Swede took a step closer to the gate and sighed, staring it, questioning whether he should really try to talk to Tino again.

Because…what if Tino didn’t even want to see him in the first place? Maybe he just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he just helped Berwald out of pity.

_Maybe he actually hated him._

The last thought felt like a slap to his face. Berwald took a deep breath, his heart feeling heavy, and turned around, ready to go back.

This had been a terrible idea from the beginning, anyway…

_“Berwald!”_

And suddenly all of his anxious thoughts vanished and he was left with a blank mind and pounding heart. He recognized the voice and immediately turned his gaze its way, seeing the person he already expected to see.

“Tino, hello” He greeted, unable to keep his lips from curling into a slight smile. Tino looked as amazing as before, but it still managed to stun Berwald and make him feel extremely awkward around the Finn.

“What are you doing here?” Tino asked with his usual sunny smile, his gaze trailing down Berwald’s eyes to his chest for a moment, analyzing his clothing thoroughly “Oh…where are you going dressed like that?” He asked, the tone of his voice somewhat…shy? Berwald couldn’t find words to describe it.

“Um” Berwald was unable to properly respond for a moment “Nowhere special…I just…felt like dressing up” He mumbled, feeling like an idiot for not being able to think of a better excuse, and feeling like an even bigger idiot for dressing up. It seemed like the right thing to do at first, but now he just felt stupid. Why did he even do that? It’s not like he had to impress Tino or anything.

Tino raised an eyebrow, seeming not to believe Berwald’s poor excuse, but didn’t say anything about it.

“Well…” He looked down, his curious expression becoming shy “You…l-look really good dressed like that, anyway”

Berwald felt his face burn, odd sparks of energy running through his body. Did Tino just… _compliment him?!_

“Haha, I even feel kinda underdressed now” Tino joked awkwardly

“Y’look great” Berwald blurted out as soon as he heard Tino’s joke “…you always do” He added, not even knowing what he was doing.

And Tino’s face went an unflattering shade of red.

“T-Thank you” He muttered, so shyly. Berwald almost died on the spot. _How could he be so cute?_

“You’re welcome” He awkwardly mumbled, blushing and looking down.

Tino said nothing, so neither did Berwald. They just looked down for a while, avoiding to look into each other’s eyes. The atmosphere felt so weird…

“So, um” Tino started, finally breaking the silence “I have to work now”

“Oh” Berwald blinked, looking up to him, feeling disappointed that they wouldn’t be able to spend time together now “Goodbye th—“

“Do you want to watch me work?”

Berwald blinked.

 “I-I mean, if you don’t want to, it’s alright!” The Finn said when he noticed Berwald’s silence “B-But you looked like you wanted to spend time with me, so I thought…”

“Would your boss be okay with that?” He asked meekly, wanting to make sure Tino doesn’t get into trouble.

“Y-Yeah, he’s pretty…easygoing” Tino answered.

A hint of a smile appeared in Berwald’s lips. He could feel his heart happily race.

“Then, if it’s okay with you…”

Tino smiled warmly “Of course it’s okay! Wasn’t I the one that suggested it?” He giggled “Now, come with me. Let me show you the garden”

He stepped forward, opened the gate and entered the mansion, with Berwald following him close behind as they quietly made their way to the back of the mansion.

Eventually they reached it. And needless to say, Berwald was absolutely stunned.

It was the most beautiful garden he had ever seen. Every single plant looked exquisite, almost ethereal. The flowers’ petals were brightly colored, and the leaves were a vibrant, almost emerald green.

“Are ya the only one that takes care of this?” He asked, bewildered

“Kind of…there are other gardeners but I’m the main one” Tino answered, his voice shy.

“It’s impressive” Berwald muttered. Tino chuckled happily, still sounding a bit bashful.

“I’m really glad you think so” He smiled, his cheeks turning pink.

They walked in a straight line silently for a while, Berwald’s eyes still darting around the whole garden, absolutely shocked with its beauty.

And then he would look at Tino, who would stroll so gracefully, looking like he fit perfectly among the flowers. He seemed like an angel in heaven, so amazingly in his element.

“I’m going to trim this rose bush here” The Finn said, taking Berwald back to reality “You can, um…” He started, glancing around, seemingly looking for something, and then giving up and sighing “…sorry, you’ll have to sit on the ground”

“S’fine” Berwald gave a polite smile, and sat. Tino fidgeted and looked down bashfully for a bit, and then cleared his throat awkwardly, as if he was trying to shake off some sort of thoughts.

“I’ll get my shears, hold on”

He ran off, leaving the Swede by himself for a couple moments, but came back shortly, gardening shears held on his left hand, and quietly walked up to the rose bush to start doing his work.

Berwald quietly watched. The garden was filled with the low whistle of wind, and the snapping sound the bush made every time something was cut by the shears.

Tino’s hands moved skillfully, perfectly avoiding the bush’s thorns like he’d done this thousands of times. How long has he been working as a gardener, Berwald wondered…

“Uh, Tino” He awkwardly started “S’it okay if I ask a question?”

“Mhm” Tino answered, cutting off another branch “Ask away”

“For how long have ya been a gardener?”

“Oh” Tino stopped the trimming “Not for a very long time, actually. I think since I was 18? That would make it three years, I guess. I’m not very good at math.”

Berwald did a short calculation on his mind. So, Tino was 21? That meant they were the same age.

“For how long have you been a traveler?” Tino asked, and started pruning the bush again.

“Since…the beginnin’ of this year, I think” He said.

“Ah, that’s nice” Even if he was turned backwards, Berwald could feel him smile gently “Have you been to a lot of places already?”

“Not really” Berwald looked up, resting his hands on the well-trimmed grass “I’ve just been t’Denmark, Germany, Netherlands and Belgium”

“Oh, I’ve been to Denmark too!” Tino chimed, and started chattering “It’s a nice place. I went there a while ago, when I was—“

Suddenly, he froze up and stopped talking or working. Berwald blinked, confused yet worried.

“What were ya going to say…?” He asked, glancing up to him cautiously. Tino hurriedly shook his head.

“F-Forget about it. It’s not important” Tino blurted out shakily, and cut off another branch, the snapping sound a little more clumsy than the ones before.

Berwald didn’t utter a word. Tino seemed…uncomfortable. Why did he suddenly start acting like that when he was talking about being to Denmark?

Did it bring back bad memories or anything like that? Because if that was the case, Berwald understood…maybe he should apologize. He knew how terrible those things could be.

“’m sorry” He uttered clumsily “For mentioning Denmark”

“What?” Tino turned around, a puzzled look on his face.

“…y’seemed uncomfortable talking about it” Berwald fidgeted, his heart racing from nervousness “I won’t bring it up again, don’t worry”

“Oh” His expression became gentle again “That’s really sweet, you don’t have to be sorry, though, I’m fin— ow!”

When he least expected, Tino accidentally let his hand wander to the prickly rose thorns and got hurt. Berwald knew exactly what happened the moment he saw the Finn jerk his hand away from the bush, so he got up and walked closer to him.

“Are ya okay?” He asked with worry on his voice “Did ya get hurt?” Subconsciously, Berwald grabbed the Finn’s hand.

“I-I’m fine, I just…” Tino was about to answer, but his voice trailed off when he noticed that Berwald was holding his hand “I…”

They stared into each other’s eyes. It was like time had stopped around them. Berwald felt the grip of Tino’s hand slightly tighten around his.

He felt dizzy. What was happening? What’s with this atmosphere?

He didn’t want to let go of Tino’s hand, though. It was oddly warm, sort of contrasting with his slightly cold hands. For some reason, it felt nice.

“I’m fine” Tino muttered, his voice seeming like a low squeak “I-It’s just an, uh…”

Berwald glanced at his hand, and noticed that Tino didn’t pull away. _Why didn’t he?_

“Sorry” Berwald himself pulled away, feeling like what he was doing was improper, even if Tino didn’t let his hand go and even gripped it tighter.

“It’s alright” The Finn breathed, clasping his hands together and taking a deep breath “It’s alright”

He grabbed the shears that he had dropped in the ground and went back to work.

Berwald stared at the grass, face burning and heart beating faster than ever. He could still feel Tino’s hand on his, squeezing it gently.

_If he could, he would hold his hand again, and entwine their fingers…_

He shook his head, aware that his mind was going to weird places. God, Tino really did mess up his thoughts.

“Hey, Berwald” Tino said, sounding a little hesitant, but talking just in time to distract Berwald from himself and make the awkward atmosphere lighter.

“Hm?”

“Do you want to learn how to trim a rose bush?” He turned to him, a clumsy smile on his lips. Berwald blinked. Tino looked at him hesitantly, waiting for a response.

And Berwald couldn’t help but smile at the offer.

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: aph--sunflower  
> comment and reblog my writing if you want to support it ^^

**Author's Note:**

> all kinds of comments, criticism and opinions are very much welcome! if you feel like sending anon hate though you can do it in my tumblr blog aph-taiesh.  
> thank u for reading <3


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